The Leader's Portal

The roles we play in the drama triangle way.   There is a lot of media airspace given to the concept of mindfulness or presence nowadays. The idea that we become as fully aware as possible so that our moment to moment thoughts and actions become as conscious as possible. I believe this is a noble and, most likely, beneficial practice and goal. That said, a constant state of mindful presence is probably not very realistically achievable for most human beings, given that unconscious processing is an extremely efficient way of dealing with our day to day worlds; our unconscious habits are often what our brain develops so as to free up time for our conscious attention but that conscious attention can be elusive.  On the road to increased mindfulness we will probably need to learn to drop some baggage and step out of the drama that our fragile egos get caught up in.   The roles we play in the drama get formed early on and are quite likely kept going through our constant ...

Your Brain Will Thank You For Being a Musician My saviour during the Corona Pandemic has been music (although my dog has also been pretty good). In the absence of being able to meet with my musical friends for a regular session, which ticks so many boxes for me in terms of stress reduction, social connection and just downright fun, I have been playing, learning, writing and recording music like I have not done for about twenty five years. It has made the anxiety and grief that has accompanied this pandemic in which I lost my Father and nearly lost my Mother so much more tolerable and dare I say it even fun. When absorbed in music making I find I very often enter that state of “flow” that Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has so often referred to, and it’s a good thing because mostly the only other times I find this experience is during training delivery and there has not been much of that going on lately. All of this said it made it all the more worth it to come acro ss the article, “Your Brai...

  Managing your shadow side. Much of what we believe, think or feel is automatic, habitual, often unidentified and undifferentiated. Feelings, beliefs and thoughts can be so automatic that we do not even notice their presence, where they come from or the impact they have on our mind and body. For years I have held tension in my neck and often get a headache from this in very stressful interpersonal situations. Carl Jung referred to this as the shadow self and we are often not conscious of our shadow’s presence. Yet it is always there, to a greater or lesser degree. I believe part of the process of growing as human beings is to learn to identify, differentiate and manage this kind of baggage or the shadow self. To some degree we do this naturally. For example, we often become aware of differences in our beliefs and thoughts to those of our parents as we grow up. Unfortunately, however, this process can seize up and stop when we come to a conclusion that we have “grown up”...

The Credibility Pyramid  In my book, Positive Influence, I wrote about a slightly adapted version of this. Here is a short video describing credibility and its many levels. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw5JdNMXyjc

10 ways to develop your communication and listening. 1. Empathy: Practice for small amounts of time (10 minutes a day is a good start) working at understanding the needs, emotions and viewpoints of others. Be sure your intention is to genuinely understand the other and don’t do it with the intention of getting them to reciprocate or understand you better – this usually leads to resentment. Empathy is an act of giving not taking. Test your understanding by stating what you think they mean or reflecting their feeling state. *** 2.  Value differences: Practice valuing when others show difference of opinion. Observe or notice when you find this difficult or when you resist accepting others’ difference. Ask yourself what unconscious needs or drives might be blocking you from accepting the other person as they are. *** 3. Refine your communication: Pick a day to practice refinement when expressing opinions; qualify your generalizations. For example, instead of “it’s grea...

There is an experience I have had that most of us seem to have at some stage. I am at home, downstairs and I think to myself, “I left my watch etc. upstairs in the bedroom, I must go up and get it.” I am halfway up the stairs and someone calls to me, “are you going upstairs could you bring me down my ipod,” (cardigan, keys, wallet or a multitude of other things). I go on upstairs and I get the Ipod, or whatever for the person who asked for it. I then either go back down stairs having forgotten my watch or I pause up there and wonder what I came up for in the first place. If I had consciously kept both things (valuing both) at the front of my mind I could easily have remembered the two but instead one stepped in and replaced the other. This reminds me of the relationship we often have with our deeper values or sense of purpose; we do not keep them at the forefront of our minds and they get shunted for other things. I am not saying those other things are more or less important ...