The Leader's Portal

  Managing your shadow side. Much of what we believe, think or feel is automatic, habitual, often unidentified and undifferentiated. Feelings, beliefs and thoughts can be so automatic that we do not even notice their presence, where they come from or the impact they have on our mind and body. For years I have held tension in my neck and often get a headache from this in very stressful interpersonal situations. Carl Jung referred to this as the shadow self and we are often not conscious of our shadow’s presence. Yet it is always there, to a greater or lesser degree. I believe part of the process of growing as human beings is to learn to identify, differentiate and manage this kind of baggage or the shadow self. To some degree we do this naturally. For example, we often become aware of differences in our beliefs and thoughts to those of our parents as we grow up. Unfortunately, however, this process can seize up and stop when we come to a conclusion that we have “grown up”...

The Credibility Pyramid  In my book, Positive Influence, I wrote about a slightly adapted version of this. Here is a short video describing credibility and its many levels. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw5JdNMXyjc

10 ways to develop your communication and listening. 1. Empathy: Practice for small amounts of time (10 minutes a day is a good start) working at understanding the needs, emotions and viewpoints of others. Be sure your intention is to genuinely understand the other and don’t do it with the intention of getting them to reciprocate or understand you better – this usually leads to resentment. Empathy is an act of giving not taking. Test your understanding by stating what you think they mean or reflecting their feeling state. *** 2.  Value differences: Practice valuing when others show difference of opinion. Observe or notice when you find this difficult or when you resist accepting others’ difference. Ask yourself what unconscious needs or drives might be blocking you from accepting the other person as they are. *** 3. Refine your communication: Pick a day to practice refinement when expressing opinions; qualify your generalizations. For example, instead of “it’s grea...

There is an experience I have had that most of us seem to have at some stage. I am at home, downstairs and I think to myself, “I left my watch etc. upstairs in the bedroom, I must go up and get it.” I am halfway up the stairs and someone calls to me, “are you going upstairs could you bring me down my ipod,” (cardigan, keys, wallet or a multitude of other things). I go on upstairs and I get the Ipod, or whatever for the person who asked for it. I then either go back down stairs having forgotten my watch or I pause up there and wonder what I came up for in the first place. If I had consciously kept both things (valuing both) at the front of my mind I could easily have remembered the two but instead one stepped in and replaced the other. This reminds me of the relationship we often have with our deeper values or sense of purpose; we do not keep them at the forefront of our minds and they get shunted for other things. I am not saying those other things are more or less important ...

Cool teamwork video

In every moment that you are with someone you can be having a positive, negative or neutral effect. We humans are wired to pick up on tiny facial expressions and body language. We have the power to change that effect and it starts with what is going on in our mind, being aware of what we might be subtly projecting when in relationship to others and consciously choosing to project something positive, like warmth or compassion. Even at the bare minimum if we can realize when we might be projecting the negative and contain it. Some of us can be mood hoovers or emotional vampires without even being aware of it. The chances are if you are in a bad mood and you are not managing it well you are being a mood hoover to those around you. It is possible to create a shift and become something more positive. I believe it starts with breathing, grounding yourself and genuinely listening to others. instead of downloading your stuff onto them. There is a form of feedback that we give to others al...