How do you impact those around you?

In every moment that you are with someone you can be having a positive, negative or neutral effect. We humans are wired to pick up on tiny facial expressions and body language. We have the power to change that effect and it starts with what is going on in our mind, being aware of what we might be subtly projecting when in relationship to others and consciously choosing to project something positive, like warmth or compassion. Even at the bare minimum if we can realize when we might be projecting the negative and contain it. Some of us can be mood hoovers or emotional vampires without even being aware of it. The chances are if you are in a bad mood and you are not managing it well you are being a mood hoover to those around you. It is possible to create a shift and become something more positive. I believe it starts with breathing, grounding yourself and genuinely listening to others. instead of downloading your stuff onto them.

There is a form of feedback that we give to others almost all of the time when in their presence. I call this "incidental feedback". When negative, these are the glances of disapproval, distaste, irritation, frustration and anger that we give off almost instantly when someone is in contravention of our internal rules.  This is the feedback that is harder to change yet it is likely that it is this that creates the true dynamic in business or personal relationships.Incidental feedback can also be positive. We show empathy for a person who is hurt, we smile as we pass someone by, we show our approval for a person’s contribution, we glance fondly at our son or daughter, brother, sister,colleague,  partner. Dr. John Gottman has studied this incidental feedback in couples and found that in relationships that are healthier and last longer, the ratio of positive to negative emotions expressed is 5:1.